Changing Places

I’ve switched to Welbutrin from the Effexor and the difference is like night and day… I am finally starting to feel some clarity in my thinking and feel like there is some hope for this long bout of depression to be ending. It’s been such a long haul and I am so glad to finally have some hope for feeling good again.

This week will be one of getting ready to go visiting in Colorado with my brother and his family. Haven’t seen them in a few years so it will be good to see them again. I’ve also got to start really planning and deciding what to be doing with myself in the months to come.

Had a really nice road trip to Julian today - good lunch at Margarita’s mexican restaurant, and of course picked up some bread from Dudley’s bakery. A really nice day.

New medicine from the pdoc - switching from Effexor to Welbutrin, so we’ll see if that helps get me feeling better.

I know I need to take some baby steps to start figuring out what to do with my life. I need to find some activities that interest me and find ways to get myself motivated and interested in and involved in life again. Classes, volunteering, something. I am looking for what it is I would like to do.

I still have no clue what I want to be doing.

After the two year buildup, I don’t think anyone is really in shock after the last couple days events. Or awe. Maybe aghast at the fact that the U.S. really did take such an arrogant action in its empire building new order, but not really, even that has been expected for some time now.

At least San Diego remanis gorgeous with lovely weather and my garden is blooming beautifully. Too bad my mood is still so poor I am barely able to appreciate it.

The days are just beautiful lately - wish my mood was, but can’t say it is. I’ve had a couple of really bad days and am not doing very well. Not sure what is going on. Have a call in to the doctor but haven’t heard anything back yet.
Guess we’ll see what he has to say.

Still searching for something to do. I don’t know why it is so hard for me to find something that interests me to do, but for some reason my brain is simply not coming up with anything. I am really tired of living in this state of mind. Or lack thereof…

Rain returns today - light so far but with promises of heavier rains later on today, we’ll see. The garden will enjoy it, I’m sure.

My mood is a bit low today.

Another beautiful San Diego day. The roses are almost ready to go.
The daffodils are finishing up their show, and the freesias are providing
a wonderful fragrance to the garden air.

Saw the doc, basically need to up the Effexor voltage for the depression I still am feeling. I guess that is all right. Everything else is going well. I am losing
weight on the Topomax, that is good.

Had a wonderful salmon lunch with a friend today - it was delicious! The tropical salsa was the added bonus.

Did some work in the garden on my front garden path - trimmed back all the
overgrown geraniums and other plants that had gotten out of hand. It now
actually resembles a garden path again instead of a jungle trail.

My mood continues to fluctuate - mostly down in the morning with improvement
around midday but lows in midafternoon and evenings. I see the doc tomorrow
so we’ll see what he has to say.

March is bringing a gentle breeze in today, with a lot of sunshine.
The roses are just starting to bud and a few are beginning to open - the Cecile Bruner has a couple of open flowers for the first time today. The rock roses are in bloom, along with the mallow and the gazanias on the back hill, so the hillside is a mass of color. The daffodils are still going in the front yard.

My mood continues to be poor. I start in the morning usually feeling quite low, and am somewhat stable by midday. But never much better than that. It’s not getting a lot better and I’m not very happy at all. I am going to talk to the doctor about it on Thursday.

Well, it’s Friday, and I’m feeling a bit furry. Just kind of fuzzed out and out of tune with everything. The day is gorgeous, couldn’t be better, but my mood just can’t quite seem to catch up with a beautiful California day.

It’s not the best of days. I feel very unsettled and am having a difficult time making the smallest of decisions about what to do. I feel very lost and very
alone today. MOstly though it is this *WHAT DO I DO* feeling that is just hanging over me constantly, and it is a question I simply cannot seem to
answer no matter how hard I try. The answer is just I don’t have a clue.

Blue skies today, maybe warmer. It looks good, anyway.

Can’t wait for the garden to take off and bloom. Right now the
iris are blooming everywhere and freesia and daffodils. Roses
are budding and should bloom soon.

My mood is slowly improving, I think, but still have some very
rough days. It is a long slow climb.

Still cold and a bit gray in San Diego today. So is my mood. The chill seems to keep me from feeling like I want to get out and do much. The clouds are scattered and not producing a lot of rain, but quite dark and look much more impressive than what they are producing, The breeze is chilly and very
cutting.

I am not drifting as deeply into the depths of depression but am not really up to going and doing a lot yet. Its a very frustrating place to be. I have the energy to be doing, but not the mental state to be deciding what to do.

Back to cold and gray weather for Monday.
This has set my mood back quite a bit. I am
really feeling the effects of the cold.

I am spending a lot of time wondering what
to do and where to look for a direction to move
as far as a career. I really don’t have a clue at this
point. It’s getting very frustrating.

Spring is Here - March is roaring in like a Lion,
with gusty breezes, sunshine, and lots of beautiful
California sunshine. It really is lovely. The roses are
full of buds and all the flowers are ready to burst into bloom.
Quite wonderful, really.