Changing Places

Jesus’ General
Laura Bush
First Lady of the United States

Your Ladyship,

Like you, I cherish human life in all its forms. It does not matter if it is a fetus, a baby, or a brain damaged adult who possesses the cognitive ability of a bowl of chili. I love them all the same, even your brother-in-law, Neil.

Spermatozoan-Americans are the most neglected of our citizens. Every day, billions are left to die in tube sock deserts across this great nation. Nobody cares about this holocaust. It’s never mentioned in the news or even in conversation.

Something needs to be done to end the slaughter. That’s why I’ve raised an army of spermatozoan-Americans. I keep them in mason jars in my cellar where it’s cool. My hope is that I can train these littlest Americans to seek out those wicked men who spill their seed and smite them.

They’ll need some form of transportation to do this. The distances involved are great in relation to the spermatozoan-American’s size. At first, I planned to provide them with tiny automobiles. This idea had the added benefit of providing them with the means of running over their enemy–you know how effective that is–but I found it impossible to build a car that small.

I was at a loss as to how to solve this problem until I heard what you said at the correspondents dinner. Your story about how your husband likes to “milk” the stallions on your ranch gave me an idea. Perhaps, he could harvest enough horse spermatazoa to equip a spermatozoan-American cavalry.

What do you think? Can he spare any? Is he using it for something else?

Please get back to me as soon as possible. Millions more die in this holocaust every minute we delay.

Heterosexually* yours,

General JC Christian, patriot

*I’m not hitting on you, your Ladyship. I only close with the words “heterosexually yours” so that it is understood that I’m not a homosexual. It’s very important to me that people understand that. I don’t want there to be any question about my orientation.

Every god can be defied.
No choice, no devotion.

There have been many rebels who have chosen to defy their gods. Without this option, there can be no true devotion to a holy concept. For devotion is only valuable when a conscious decision is made to follow that course, even in acknowledgment of the difficulties ahead. Choosing to be a devout person is good. Choosing to defy the gods is also good, for it reaffirms the basic ability of human beings to make choices. We cannot support religions which say that there are no choices.

Metaphysical totalitarianism of any kind stifles the freedom we have as human beings. It is not acceptable to have a religion where the alternative to faith is punishment. Spirituality is only great when it allows that utmost freedom to follow it. If we suffer from difficulties, that is not holy retribution, and we should not allow it to create debilitating questions.

If you endure a crisis in your life, it may well challenge your faith. Perhaps you will even respond bitterly to your gods and cry out: How could anything holy permit this atrocity to happen to me? But gods are not our parents or protectors. They are there only to inspire us to be better people. They symbolize the inherent choice of this existence. It is secondary whether we choose belief or defiance. What is precious is that we are always able to choose.

Deng Ming-Dao, 365 Tao

Yeah, this is what I don’t get about fundamentalists. If they believe what they claim to, then they ought to understand that their belief is a choice, and that others are free to choose not to believe the same things they do. So why do they try to force their beliefs on other people?

I think the reality is that for a lot of these people, they don’t want to have any choices in their lives. They simply want to be told what to do, what’s right, and they think that other people must operate in the same way they do. They can’t get their heads around the fact that people don’t think the way they do.

Those of us who grow up thinking about things realize very early on that a lot of people simply don’t think about much of anything. They go through their lives doing what they are told to do, and other than that, not doing very much at all with their lives. They don’t wonder about anything, really. They just believe whatever it is someone told them – their parents, the minister, the television, whatever. It keeps their lives nice and simple.

But life is not a simple thing. It is a complex thing, full of mysteries and stuff to explore and learn about, science and nature and all kinds of things. It seems a shame that there are so many people who are unwilling to explore life in all its complexity, but choose to just do what they are told to do and not think about anything. But I recognize – ah, that’s their choice. And I’m more than happy to let them do their thing, especially once I see their eyes glaze over when I try to talk to them about anything complicated. But they can’t turn around and decide to enforce their beliefs on me. They can’t just magically flip the switch and all that complexity, all that mystery, all that sensawunda suddenly goes away for me. I still see it. They can’t deny what is right in front of my eyes every day, in my garden, in my work, in my life. Sorry, I understand life and change and evolution and process and how things flow and change and work, and if you can’t, well, sorry, you don’t get to just deny their existence to me. Any more than I try to deny you the pleasure of believing in your god. If you don’t want to believe in evolution or whatever, fine – but don’t go trying to tell your kid it isn’t real. Let them figure it out for themselves, ok?

And if they want to believe in your god, and deny the world around them, that’s fine, too. But they ought to at least get the chance to learn – and the choice of what to believe. Your kid is going to get exposed to all kinds of stuff in this world, that just how the world is. What they decide to believe in – well that’s up to them. You can’t control it forever. And once you send your young ‘uns off to college, other kids are going to laugh in their faces if they try to deny evolution in their science class, so let them get used to the idea early, ok? If they don’t want to believe it, that’s their choice, too. But don’t make them ignorant for the sake of your god. And don’t try to deny other kids their education for the sake of your ignorance, either. Because that’s just not the Christian thing to do, is it?

A friend of mine brought me this as a postcard and says it looks like me, having almost as much fun as I do at a party…

When sweet sacred pipes
play out their rhythmic holy song,
in time to the dancing wanderers,
then to the mountains,
on, on to the mountains.”
Then the bacchanalian woman
is filled with total joy—
like a foal in pasture
right beside her mother—
her swift feet skip in playful dance.

Euripedes, The Bacchae

Oh, yes, I’ve been a bacchante at times.

Cap’n Rummy!

The Time Traveler Convention – May 7, 2005

The Time Traveler Convention
May 7, 2005, 10:00pm EDT (08 May 2005 02:00:00 UTC)
East Campus Courtyard, MIT
42:21:36.025°N, 71:05:16.332°W
(42.360007,-071.087870 in decimal degrees)

What is it?

Technically, you would only need one time traveler convention. Time travelers from all eras could meet at a specific place at a specific time, and they could make as many repeat visits as they wanted. We are hosting the first and only Time Traveler Convention at MIT in one week, and WE NEED YOUR HELP!

Why do you need my help?

We need you to help PUBLICIZE the event so that future time travelers will know about the convention and attend. This web page is insufficient; in less than a year it will be taken down when I graduate, and futhermore, the World Wide Web is unlikely to remain in its present form permanently. We need volunteers to publish the details of the convention in enduring forms, so that the time travelers of future millennia will be aware of the convention. This convention can never be forgotten! We need publicity in MAJOR outlets, not just Internet news. Think New York Times, Washington Post, books, that sort of thing. If you have any strings, please pull them.

Great idea, I’d love to help! What should I do?

Write the details down on a piece of acid-free paper, and slip them into obscure books in academic libraries! Carve them into a clay tablet! If you write for a newspaper, insert a few details about the convention! Tell your friends, so that word of the convention will be preserved in our oral history! A note: Time travel is a hard problem, and it may not be invented until long after MIT has faded into oblivion. Thus, we ask that you include the latitude/longitude information when you publicize the convention.

You can also make an absolute commitment to publicize the convention afterwards. In that case, bring a time capsule or whatever it may be to the party, and then bury it afterwards.

Can’t the time travelers just hear about it from the attendees, and travel back in time to attend?

Yes, they can! In fact, we think this will happen, and the small number of adventurous time travelers who do attend will go back to their “home times” and tell all their friends to come, causing the convention to become a Woodstock-like event that defines humanity forever.

Unfortunately, we of the present (2005) don’t have time travel, and so we only have one chance at observing the convention. If the time travelers don’t leave us their secrets, we won’t be able to go back in time and see our convention in all its glory unless it is publicized in advance.

Isn’t time travel impossible?

We can’t know for certain. The ancient Greeks would have thought computers were impossible, and the Phoenicians certainly wouldn’t have believed that humans would one day send a spacecraft to the moon and back. We cannot predict the future of science or technology, so we can only make an effort and see if any time travelers come to our convention. If you would like to read more about time travel, check out our reading list.

I’m from the future, and I’d like to attend!

We’re not sure how you’re emailing us from the future, but we’d love to have you! Come as you are! No dress code whatsoever. We do request that you bring some sort of proof that you do indeed come from the future, and haven’t just dressed like you do. We welcome any sort of proof, but things like a cure for AIDS or cancer, a solution for global poverty, or a cold fusion reactor would be particularly convincing as well as greatly appreciated.

I’m from the present, and I’d like to attend!

Great! We would also love to have you, especially if you have helped publicize. We request that you bring refreshments if possible, as we need to make this a great party for you and for the time travelers. RSVP at timetravelerconvention@gmail.com, and then show up at the designated place at the designated time! The East Campus Courtyard is in between the two red rectangles on this map. If you plan on attending, PLEASE check this page frequently for updates.

I’m from the present, and I’d like to attend, but I can’t!

No worries! If time travel is invented in your lifetime, you can always come later. Even if it isn’t, we’ll have pictures and video up at this site within a week after the Convention.

I’ve volunteered and helped publicize!

Thanks! If you’d like to be included in the gallery, please send us a picture of your publicity effort by email at timetravelerconvention@gmail.com. You can also email us with any other questions you might have.

This is neat!

Thanks! If you like it, please consider linking to this page, and/or sending us an email. Also consider visiting Cat and Girl, one of the best comic strips out there. Also, check out Destination Day; they seem to have something very similar, and did it first (although our convention is inspired by Cat and Girl).

“Golden Light After the Storm,” Phyllis Knopke

Golden light skims azure bay,
Dense air heavy with laurel.
Windless dusk smears to night,
Sonorous pool in a sheltered grove.

Though this world is turbulent, there are still days and places where we can be afforded some tranquility. When this happens, it is right to rest from the tribulations and striving of being in the world and to take advantage of what is offered. Sometimes it will be the peaceful feeling of sunset, when the blazing sun becomes reconciled with the horizon and a sense of acceptance lingers in the air. At other times, it will be the chance encounter with a secret place — perhaps a grove of trees that promises a mysterious comfort.

In such private places, we can often find peace. Such stillness can even be precious, as when we notice the deep voice of a stream which we were always too busy to hear before. Indeed, sometimes we are so worn out by our daily activities that we forget to notice our need for recharging.

Renewal is a profound tonic. With sanctuary and rest, we can prepare to go forth again.

Deng Ming-Dao, 365 Tao

I had an invitation to go to breakfast today. Instead, I am here in the quiet, studying Tao and writing. It seems like a small thing, but it helps center me and bring peace to my life. Later in the day I will go out and meet with friends, but this small space in the day is mine for being in a quiet spot.

So many of us hurry through our days without making quiet places to rest for a bit. For an introverted person like myself, this is very stressful. We especially need the quiet places in our lives to renew ourselves. Extroverts gain energy being around others and are not so stressed, I think. But for me, quiet time is an essential thing. A few minutes in the morning to warm myself in front of the heater with a cup of green tea, and the rest of the day works so much better for me.

I love sunsets in the evenings, too, and the moments of twilight before the day slips into night. It’s another time of day that is perfect to sit and reflect on the day’s events. Wherever you find peace, take a few minutes to rest and renew yourself, and things will work much better for you. Namaste.