Category Archives: humor

Meow?

funny pictures of cats with captions

Sorry, not a lot to say lately — follow the FB, twitter or google reader share if you miss me!

I am not uninspired, but my thoughts are not gelling enough to post. I’ve had kids home on spring break, and it’s quite distracting.

Stupid Quotes

“The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.” — Bertrand Russell

“Ignorance more frequently begets confidence than does knowledge.” — Charles Darwin

“Whenever a man does a thoroughly stupid thing, it is always from the noblest motives.” — Oscar Wilde

“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the the universe.” — Albert Einstein

“The only way to comprehend what mathematicians mean by Infinity is to contemplate the extent of human stupidity.” — Voltaire

“Just think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize half of them are even stupider!” — George Carlin

“The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.” –Harlan Ellison

I divide my officers into four classes; the clever, the lazy, the industrious, and the stupid. Each officer possesses at least two of these qualities. Those who are clever and industrious are fitted for the highest staff appointments. Use can be made of those who are stupid and lazy. The man who is clever and lazy however is for the very highest command; he has the temperament and nerves to deal with all situations. But whoever is stupid and industrious is a menace and must be removed immediately!” — German General Kurt von Hammerstein-Equord

“Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.” — Robert Hanlon

“I wish, my dear Kepler, that we could have a good laugh together at the extraordinary stupidity of the mob.” — Galileo Galilei

“To forget one’s purpose is the commonest form of stupidity.” — Friedrich Nietzsche

“There is no nonsense so gross that society will not, at some time, make a doctrine of it and defend it with every weapon of communal stupidity.” — Robertson Davies

“I am often surprised by the cleverness, and now and again by the stupidity of my dog; and I have similar experiences with mankind.” — Arthur Schopenhauer

“Against stupidity the very Gods themselves toil in vain.” — Friedrich von Schiller

“Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.” — Elbert Hubbard

“I am patient with stupidity but not with those who are proud of it.” — Dame Edith Sitwell

“Before we work on artificial intelligence why don’t we do something about natural stupidity?” — Steve Polyak

“The difference between ignorance and stupidity is that ignorance can be cured.” — Me

Laughter

“Why wait for reasons to laugh? Life as it is should be reason enough to laugh. It is so absurd, it is so ridiculous. It is so beautiful, so wonderful! It is all sorts of things together. It is a great cosmic joke.”

“Laughter is the easiest thing in the world if you allow it, but it has become hard. People laugh very raarely, and even when they laugh it is not true. People laugh as if they are obliging somebody, as if they are fulfilling a certain duty. Laughter is fun. You are not obliging anybody!

You should not laugh to make somebody else happy, because if you are not happy of your own accord, you cannot make anybody else happy. You should simply laugh of your own accord, without waiting for reasons to laugh. If you start looking into things, you will not be able to stop laughing. Everything is simply perfect for laughter – nothing is lacking – but we won’t allow it. We are very miserly … miserly about laughter, about love, about life. Once you know that miserliness can be dropped, you move into a different dimension. Laughter is the real religion. Everything else is just metaphysics.”

Everyday Osho — 365 Daily meditations for the here and now by Osho

“Now” he thought, “that all these transitory things have slipped away from me again, I stand once more beneath the sun, as I once stood as a small child. Nothing is mine, I know nothing, I possess nothing, I have learned nothing….” He had to smile again. Yes, his destiny was strange! He was going backwards, and now he stood empty and naked and ignorant in the world. But he did not grieve about it; no, he even felt a great desire to laugh, to laugh at himself, to laugh at this strange, foolish world. — Herman Hesse, Siddhartha

“In my own life, I felt just as Siddhartha did –- amazed at all I had lost, and at the same time just as amazed that I no longer valued what I had lost: my old self, the old world, the old friends… When two people who have experienced this aspect of tapas discuss it, it is invariably an occasion for much laughter — the laughter of relief at no longer needing to be our false self, and the laughter of joy at such good fortune .”— Rolf Gates, Meditations from the Mat

“At the height of laughter, the universe is flung into a kaleidoscope of new possibilities.”  — Jean Houston

“So many tangles in life are ultimately hopeless that we have no appropriate sword other than laughter. ” — Gordon W. Allport

“A sense of humor… is needed armor. Joy in one’s heart and some laughter on one’s lips is a sign that the person down deep has a pretty good grasp of life.” — Hugh Sidey

“I have always felt that laughter in the face of reality is probably the finest sound there is and will last until the day when the game is called on account of darkness. In this world, a good time to laugh is any time you can.” — Linda Ellerbee

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“Laughter is day, and sobriety is night; a smile is the twilight that hovers gently between both, more bewitching than either.” — Henry Ward Beecher

I has a flavor!

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“To know someone is to sense that person’s flavor – what you feel from that person. Each one has his or her own flavor, a particular personality from which many feelings appear. To fully appreciate this personality or flavor is to have a good relationship; to fully appreciate them.”

– Shunryu Suzuki

via whiskey river.

Regrets… I've had a few…

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“Oh, Lord, it is not the sins I have committed that I regret, but those which I have had no opportunity to commit” — Ghalib

“Nowadays most people die of a sort of creeping common sense, and discover when it is too late that the only things one never regrets are one’s mistakes” — Oscar Wilde

“Never regret anything you have done with a sincere affection; nothing is lost that is born of the heart”
— Basil Rathbone

“I have no regrets. I wouldn’t have lived my life the way I did if I was going to worry about what people were going to say.” — Ingrid Bergman

it's woodka-one touch more

woodka4

Apparently I need to make a road trip to Germany. I must have this!!


it’s woodka – one touch more®

INTENSIVE FULL FLAVOUR, DRY, POWERFUL AND MASCULINE JUST AS THE SHAPE IMPLIES, WITH A VARIETY OF TASTES, GOING FROM VANILLA TO ROASTING FLAVOURS AND A NUANCE OF SWEET WINE PROVIDES YOU WITH THE EXPERIENCE OF A LONG LASTING PLEASANT TASTE.

PIONEERING SPIRIT, ENJOYMENT AT INVENTING NEW EXCITING WORLD PLEASURES, THE UNKNOWN CONTACT OF CRYSTAL CLEAR VODKA WITH THE NOBLE WOOD BARRELS, GIVES THE WOODKA ITS EXCLUSIVE AURA.

MAGICAL MOMENTS. TAKE OFF ON A CLOUD OF PLEASURES AND FEEL CONTENT.
RECOMMENDATION: ENJOY AT ROOM TEMPERATURE, NOT COOLED, A REAL SHAME TO MIX AND LOSE THE INTENSITY OF THE FLAVOUR.

ViedeMerde and FMyLife

The Parisian attitude towards life really is a lot like this — riding on the Metro you could simply see the long-standing suffering in the looks on the Parisian faces, the men standing with their pointy-toed elf shoes that must have been killing their feet, and the women with their beautiful scarves and jackets who didn’t give the least hint how overly warm they actually were on the Metro, just suffering patiently even as I would bail out of my jacket or take off my scarf and stuff it in my bag or whatever. The exception to the ever-tolerant suffering attitude was the young lovers, who were really cute, but even then you could often see young couples arguing very dramatically with scorn on their faces.

Viedemerde.fr (VDM) is a French site devoted to the truth that life is suffering. Vie de merde means — well, use the Babel translator. In the French way, VDM is devoted to offering the truth of suffering as short, tight exemplary narratives that are classified by subject — Amour, Argent, Enfants, Sexe, Travail and my favorite, Unclassable.

Viedemerde often has a rueful or droll touch:

Today I brought my lingerie home from my boyfriend’s place and found some that did not belong to me.

Today I had a big argument with my girlfriend who accused me of being narcissistic. Leaving home, I decided to write a text message to get her to forgive me. Lapse or inattention? I signed off with “I love myself.”

When you post on VDM it is rated with a little benediction: “It’s true it’s a VDM, it’s confirmed.”

Since Americans wanted to celebrate the Buddha’s dark diagnosis of the human condition in their own language, FMyLife.com arose. FMyLifes are postcards from Delusionville, narratives of failed hope, more emo and histrionic than Viedemerde.

Sometimes FMyLife is a miscellany of simple complaints, but the ideal post depends on a mapping problem, an irretrievable misreading of a situation:

Today, I was waiting in the car while my mom went into a store to get beer. A few minutes later, some random guy was knocking on my window telling me to open the door. I started cursing him out, thinking I was getting attacked. Turns out he worked there and was putting the beer in the car.

Today, my brother came out to our family as being gay. My mother starting crying because “She wanted grandchildren.” I told her that I was planning on having children. She started crying harder.

Today, I was on the bus home and on the phone with my best friend discussing my sex life with this new guy I’m seeing. I was telling her all sorts of raunchy sex things we’ve done until someone taps my shoulder and says “I’m sure he doesn’t appreciate you saying this in public.” It was his mom.

The site is intended to prove and even relish the idea that the cards are against you and your life really is a soap opera.

FMLs are rated by clicking on the message, “I agree, your life is f***ed,” which is perhaps taken as empathy, or clicking on “You deserved that one.” FML provides a dose of despairing chaos in case that is what you need to tune your day, your job, your mind. You could say FML’s purpose is consolation by diagnosis — Things are out of whack, dude, which is the first noble truth of Buddhism.

via Shambhala SunSpace » John Tarrant’s “Escape Arts in Delusionville”: My Average Life.