Disengagement

starry night over the rhone.jpg

Wearily I open my prayer book,
Sepia photograph of sage on amber page,
Flaming raven Sanskrit, strange syllables,
Intone, chant, repeat.
Number vows with beads:
Every resolution is inspiration petrified.

There are some days when one is disengaged from Tao, not interested in devotion, and everything just becomes an empty form. Gone are spiritual bliss, deep insight, and integration with the rhythm of the universe. Instead, there is duty, form, and stiff discipline. One can try to remember the reasons for one’s quest, think of the achievements of the past, reaffirm one’s goals, and still not be inspired to do one’s practice. What do you do?

Every once in a while, it is permissible to skip things for a day. If you are angry, under great stress, or ill, then it is best simply to rest. But if one has made vows, it is only a matter of laziness or indifference, then you must exert your discipline and practice even if it means that you are just going through the motions. In at least half the cases, something significant will happen. The rest of the time, going through your forms is in itself a good practice. It builds a tremendous momentum that will manifest itself in later times.

Deng Ming-Dao, 365 Tao

I try to think about Tao every day. Some days I don’t, and find myself even more in Tao than when I’m deliberately thinking about it. I’ll go on vacation, and find myself so into the things I’m doing on vacation, so into the flow of life itself. So I guess the practice of thinknig about Tao does lead me more into being with the Tao even when I don’t think about it. But I certainly don’t let it become a chore. I don’t think spirituality should ever be a chore or something you have to do. I spent enough boring Sundays in church as a kid to know that isn’t worth it.

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